Conversations
by ILuvStrwbrry
Summary: Just another IchiRukiRenji love triangle fic, or is it? AU post End of Hypnosis (Kinda),
1. Death & Pineapple

**Conversations**

_I do not own Bleach._

**Ch1: Death and Pineapple**

"Is everything okay?"

"Everything is fine"

"Bya—"

"Nii-sama is fine."

"That isn't what I was going to ask. I was going to ask if everything is fine between the two of you"

"Of course it is"

"When you were in jail you said he didn't look at you"

"Will you just drop it?"

"No, I will not drop it, I just want you to be happy"

"What do you care?"

"I care about you"

"Sure you do, that's why you were so quick to swing your sword at me after we hadn't seen each other for months."

"I…"

"Cat got your tongue?"

"Dammit, Rukia. If you're not happy living with Byakuya, then you should just leave."

"I'm not unhappy"

"He won't even look at you!"

"I'm not stupid. I've seen pictures of his wife. I'm practically her splitting imagine. Why would he look at me when my face just reminds him of the person he lost?"

"It's not fair to you"

"Who cares about fairness?"

"Look, we all lose someone. We lost our friends from Izumi, don't you remember?"

"Of course I do, that was different"

"How is it different? They're all dead, they're not coming back."

"It's different because they were friends, where as he was in love with her, she was his wife!"

"What do you know about love?"

"I've been in love"

"With who?"

"With you, you dufus. Or at least I thought I was. But that was a long time ago."

"What?"

"Kami-sama, I can't believe I just said that."

"What do you mean you were in love with me?"

"It's all in the past and it's beside the point."

"When?"

"Before you abandoned me! You weren't supposed to be happy I was being adopted into the Kuchiki family. You weren't supposed to agree. You were supposed to say I didn't need an adoptive family because we'd start one of our own. But you didn't, because you didn't feel that way and I was left feeling like the idiot."

"I did feel that way! Listen to me"

"Let go of me"

"I didn't want you to be adopted into the Kuchiki family, I didn't want to agree. I did want to be with you and start a family with you. I still did. I swore that I would become stronger that Byakuya and prove myself to you. I swore I would take you away from him."

"But you didn't and you can't. I no longer have those childish feelings towards you anymore. I am fine with my familial relationship with Byakuya. Nothing is wrong. I am happy. I'm going back to the real world"

"Why in the hell are you going back there if you're so happy here?"

"I'm going there to get away from you"

…

"I see. I will no longer stand in your way then."

"Thank you, it's much appreciated."

"Wait, …Kurosaki, you aren't in love with him now are you?"

"Is that any of your business?"

"No, it's not."

* * *

_AN: So here's another story I wrote in class, only this time it was in Cisco class. who cares about how to set up routers and networks when there is Bleach fanfiction to be read. This was originally going to be a IchiRukiRenji fic, but by the time I got to the third chapter I decided to change the direction. So it's mostly just humor. This is probably going to be the most serious chapter. AU with the exception that every major battle will still happen. So I hope you continue to read and enjoy!_


	2. Death & Strawberry

**Conversations**

_I still don't own bleach_

**Ch2: Death & Strawberry**

"Oi! You've been awfully moody today"

"Shut up!"

"See what I mean? Did Bya—"

"How come every time something is wrong with me people automatically blame Nii-sama?"

"I dunno know. He seems like the heartless type—"

"He's not like that"

"Okay, sorry I blamed your precious 'Nii-sama'.…So who was it? Pineapple head."

"As if you can talk. Your hair is almost as bad as his"

"I take offense to that"

"Good take offense."

"So, was it him?"

"I don't want to talk about that bakamono"

"Oh so he did do something. Don't worry you've been friends forever, you'll make up"

"I _don't_ want to talk about it."

"Is that…are you crying? What did that bastard do? I'll kill him"

"Sit down. What are you going to do? Go all the way to soul society just because he pissed me off?"

"Yeah, pretty much"

"You're an idiot too"

"Fine you don't want to talk about it just lean on my shoulder and cry it all out"

"As if I'd do something like that"

"You're doing it"

"Shut up, I'm just tired of being cramped up in your closet."

" .."

"You're not as fluffy as my Chappy pillow"

"I'm a man I'm not supposed to be fluffy, stop laughing"

"I'm not laughing at you"

"Liar"

"Sh… pillows aren't supposed to talk."


	3. Pineapple & A Florist

**Conversations**

_Sadly, I don't own Bleach_

**Ch3: Pineapple & a Florist**

"You wanted to see to see me taichou?"

"Come in, shut the door, and have a seat"

"Um…so what bought this on, taichou?"

"I was walking down the hallway yesterday, when I overheard the conversation you had with my sister"

"Oh"

"All you have to say for yourself is 'oh'?"

"No, it's just I didn't know we were overheard. Sorry?"

"You're sorry? I think you're apologizing to the wrong person."

"I know, but she left"

"Perhaps it's for the best."

"I don't agree, taichou"

"The two of you would never work out."

"What makes you so sure?"

"I would never allow it"

"You don't get to waltz in and control her life. Hell up to a few weeks ago you couldn't even be bothered with her!"

"I'll admit in my life I've many regrets. Most of them have to do with her. I didn't find her soon enough, I didn't stand up for her like I should've, I didn't stop the execution, but that's in the past. Things have changed."

"What things?"

"That matters not. My point is, if you still have any notions on the two of you getting together, you should rid yourself of them."

"Don't think just because you adopted her into your family and she's a noble know means she'll go off and marry another nobles. Snobby rich people aren't her type."

"And you would know? It doesn't appear that you're her type either."

"It's because of that stupid pumpkin head! You don't know do you? You're so blind"

"I have no idea what you're talking about and I'd lay off on the insults if I was you"

"You were there, in the human world when we bought her back. It was so obvious, she was trying to protect that orange haired bastard all 'don't come after me, I'll never forgive you' it was so sick I wanted to puke. I mean seriously, did you think he snuck into soul society, broke into seireitei, fought off a numerous amount of low class soldiers, a vice-captains, and THREE captains not to mention stood in front of a giant flaming bird determined to kill any and everything in front of it just to save a _friend_. Don't be stupid. They're so sweet on each other it's disgusting"

"You're dismissed."

"What? Where are you going?"

"It doesn't matter. Never in a million years will I allow you to be with my sister. Don't forget to turn in your reports by the end of the day, if you start slacking off I may have to look for a new lieutenant."


	4. Death, Strawberry, Florist, and

**Conversations**

_I don't own Bleach, thank goodness for everyone I can't draw to save my life_

**Ch4: Death, Strawberry, Florist, and Black-Capes!**

"Goood Moooorrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnngggg gggggggggggg ICHIIIIIIIIIII—waaaah!"

"Geez what's with all the noise, dad?"

"There's a girl in your bed"

"Eh? Oh I guess we fell asleep here."

"You guess you fell asleep here? What the—"

" "

"Kuros—why the hell are you in bed with my sister?"

"I can explain"

"Shhh…too loud, trying to snuggle"

"You're dead, Chire Senbonzakura"

"Like hell I'd let you just walk in here and kill my son"

"Dad? Hey since when can you see shinigami?"

"You! What are you doing here?"

"This is my house!"

"This…he's your son. Oh, that's so rich. I can't believe…that explains…"

"What the hell's so funny? How do you know my dad? And why can you see shinigami? Don't just ignore me! I'm not the one who's supposed to be invisible."

"So this is where you've been hiding for the past 20 years"

"It's not like I've been hiding, the soul society simply has failed to look. I notice that your sword is still drawn"

"Your spiky head son is still in bed with my sister"

"I know I was surprised too, normally she sleeps in the closet"

"What? My sister has been sleeping in a closet? In that little closet? That's it. Bankai"

"Stop, don't drop your sword. You'll destroy the house!"

"Wuzgoinon? Nii-sama? What are doing here? Why am I on a bed?"

"You don't remember getting in the bed? Did this filth take advantage of you?"

"Okay, time for you to go"

"I'd like to see you try to make me leave."

"Sure, I just got my shinigami powers back and was looking for someone to test them out on"

"Since when have you had shinigami powers?"

"Since before you were born, he used to be a captain of division 10."

"You knew!"

"Of course I knew."

"Whoa, how could you do that without a glove thingy?"

"Sit back and watch, son. This is how you get rid of unwanted house pest."

"Ichi-nii, Otou-san breakfast is ready! Eh, Ichi-nii there's a girl in your bed…and she's wearing my pajamas!"

"What's with all this noise? Ichi-nii why is your room covered in sakrua petals."

"No don't touch"

"Ouch, that was sharp. I don't know if you know this but there's a rich looking dead guy standing at the foot of your bed. Send him away already so we can eat breakfast. Don't forget you have to sign up for cram school today. If you keep chasing ghost your grades'll keep slipping and you'll never get into Uni."

" "

" "

" "

" "

"Your family is weird. Come you're needed back at the family mansion"

"Okay! Bye, I guess I'll be back soon."


	5. Death, Florist, and a messenger

**Conversations**

_I don't own Bleach_

**Ch5: Death, A Florist, and a messenger**

"You see that's why you don't want to mate with pest. You don't want a house full of orange haired, purple eyed demons"

"For the thousandth time, there is nothing going on between me and Ichi—"

"Sorry to interrupt, soutaicho has requested all captains attend an emergency meeting"

"I'll be right there"

"..."

"..."

"You're still here"

"Yes, so are yo—nevermind, I'll be going on my way."

"Like I was saying"

"I get it Nii-sama. I'm not allowed to date idiots with orange hair, idiots with red hair, idiots with no class, idiots with no talent, idiots who can't use Kido, idiots who break into soul society, or any other idiot at all."

"You know I just realized, you've never had anyone to give you the talk"

"The talk?"

"Yes, the talk. You see when a man gets excited his…sword will appear. The more excited he gets the bigger his sword get…"

"Kami-sama save me"

"…and if he's really excited he'll release his bankai"

"Nii-sama, I already know about…you know…I'm 150 not 5!"

"My point is: don't be a dummy and let some idiot poke his sword in you!"

"Shouldn't you be at a captain's meeting?"

"It can wait. As you pointed out you're150 that means I have a lot of time to make up for."

"That's okay nii-sama I don't want you to get in trouble for me. Please attend your meetings. I know, there's a library here, I'll read about it in a book."

"Books, good idea. I have this one book with pictures. It'll be a great visual aid!"


	6. Princess, Strawberry & a plus

**Conversations**

_I don't own bleach_

**Ch6: Princess & Strawberry & a plus**

"And then I added natto and soy beans, and red paste and wasabi and…"

"Um, shouldn't you be sending me on?"

"Me? I'm not a shinigami"

"Oh, what are you?"

"Human, I think. I always thought I was all human but then I thought what if I'm not? What if I'm part unicorn or part kappa, wouldn't that be cool?"

"Err"

"Eh, what are you doing here?"

"I'm talking to ghost-san"

"Class is about to start, you'll be late."

"Really, see it would be good to be part bird, then I could fly! Oh, well. See you later"

" ... "

"I don't know what that was about but let's send you to soul society"

"Is that heaven?"

"Soul society is a place where you have nothing to be afraid of. There's no such thing as being hungry, 9 times out of 10 it's better than here. Hold on, not it's not. Some places are definitely worse than here. Oh, but don't worry, there's no need to be scared. Shinigami protect the place and keep bad people out, for the most part, unless of course the shinigami happens to be one of the bad people. Wait what are you doing? You can't run away. If you stay you'll turn into a monster and eventually be sent to huecho mundo where giant ghost monster things eat people like you. Oh good you stopped. Enjoy your stay at soul society. If you see Ganju tell him I'm ready for my rematch! Bye."


	7. Pinapple & Strawberry

**Conversations**

_I don't still own Bleach_

**Ch7: Pineapple & Strawberry**

"Oi, what are you doing here?"

"Killing hollows, what does it look like I'm doing? Were you expecting someone else?"

"Geez, somebody sure is grumpy today."

"Aren't you supposed to be in class?"

"Its lunch time, and I came to get the hollow but you got here first."

"Well go back to school"

"I thought Karakuna Town was under Division 13's jurisdiction. Don't tell me, did you get transferred?"

"No, baka. As if. I requested to come here"

"Why would you want to do that? With you being a vice-captain and all I figured you'd be busy with paperwork or what not."

"You have no idea how soul society works"

"Whatever no need to get all agitated."

"Where are you going? I'm not through with you"

"I'm going back to school. I left my body on the roof and I have to get back to it."

"I'm not through with you"

"You said that already. So what do you want?"

"I heard about what you did"

"What did I do?"

"Don't play stupid. Taichou has been ranting about it all week. You slept with Ru—"

"Not this again. I didn't sleep with her, we just…fell asleep"

"Sure you did. I can't believe you're stand there bragging about cuddling with my—"

"Who said anything about cuddling?"

"Zabimaru wasn't made to do castrations so I'll just have to chop you in half instead."

"Wait what?!"

"Roar Zabimaru!"

"Shit!"

"Ora, Ora!"

"IIIya!"

"Take this"

"Too slow. No wonder you lost to—"

"Shut your face and eat this, Bakudo #9: Geki!"

"Wow, you suck! Even Rukia could do that when she lost all of her powers, stick to what you know."

"Shut up!"

"Oh, you're seriously trying to kill me. Guess I have no choice. Ban—what the hell is that?"

"What is what? I thought you were releasing your Bankai. Do it already chump."

"You don't feel that? Sorry, I have to go take care of this hollow. We can play later."

"Play? Hold on, this is…get back here you idiot! You're going the wrong way. There's no way you could take on…. What an idiot."

* * *

"Hello, yeah, they're here, the arrancar."


	8. Batman & the Hulk

**Conversations**

_Nope, I still don't own Bleach._

**Ch 8: Batman & The Hulk**

"I could've done this on my own"

"And have all the fun by yourself, I think not"

"You're such a pain in the ass"

"You're such a stereotypical broody, depressive emo"

"What the hell is an emo? I don't know whether or not I should be insulted."

"I don't know. It just sounds like something you'd be."

"Whatever I don't know why I waste my breath trying to talk to you. Open the garganta"

"You do it!"

"Fine."

"Shut up I'm opening it!"

"Too late."

"So this is the world of the living. It doesn't look like how I remember it."

"I'm surprised you remember it at all."

"I don't."


	9. Two Strawberries?

**Conversations**

_Warning Spoilers, kinda. Anywho, Bleach, sadly, doesn't belong to me._

**Ch 9: Two Strawberries?**

"Why do you always have to interfere?"

"Why do you always have to suck?"

"I wouldn't have lost if you hadn't been such an asshole"

"It's not my fault you're a blind son of a bitch"

"I'm not blind. Besides what does sight have to do with anything?"

"You're also a dumbass."

"Why'd I get stuck with such a pain in the ass inner hollow?"

"Who said I was a hollow?"

"If you aren't then what are you?"

"Don't you pay attention to anything I say?"

"Not really, no."

"I am no one."

"That makes no sense."

"It's because you aren't listening."

"Where's old man Zangetsu?"

"Right in front of you."

"Eh, no one is here except for me and you."

"And that's why I say you're blind."

"Whatever. I just have to defeat you and things'll go back to normal."

"Do you even know what normal is?"

"Probably not."

"Fine let's fight. Just know you can't defeat me until you can defeat yourself."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I know that's why I'm calling you a dumbass."

"I bet no one else has to put up with this crap in their inner worlds."

"Shut up and let's go."

"Fine"

"Bankai!" "Bankai!"

"Oh look, we're identical, only I think I'm better looking."

"We're not identical you're a pale imitation of me."

"Ha! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa! Oh wait you're serious?"

"Shut up and let's fight already!"

"Fine, just remember when you're lying on the ground near death that you asked for it!"

* * *

_AN: Oops, I uploaded this chapter and the next few to the doc manager but I forgot to add them to the story. hehe :)  
Oh, and thanks to my guest reviewer. I was bored when I started this story, I didn't think anyone would actually read it._


	10. Death and a Florist

**Conversations**

_**I don't own Bleach **_

**Ch 10: Death & a Florist, again**

"I have to go"

"You don't _have_ to do anything"

"I don't know why you told Ukitake I needed a vacation, I'm fine. I should be out there in the human world, fighting arrancar."

"Leave pineapple head and that filthy orange head kid handle the arrancar. If they want to get killed, let them. I won't have you anywhere near them."

"You're over reacting"

"I'm sorry, I don't understand the meaning of the word."

"It means you're doing too much. You can't protect me all the time."

"I can and I will."

"Ugh! This is so frustrating!"

"Where do you think you're going? You can't get past me."

"If I beat you, will you let me pass?"

"Beat me? Ha, you've been hanging around those spikey haired fiends for too long. Fine I accept you challenge. When you lose you'll have to stay in your room for the rest of the week."

"Mae, Sode No Shirayuki! OI! You can't just take my Sode No Shirayuki"

"I just did, and with that I win. Go to your room, you'll get your zanpakuto back when the week is over."

"Some no mai, Tsukishiro"

"Oi!"

"I don't need to hold Sode No Shirayuki in order to use her. I only froze your feet. By the time they thaw out I'll already be in the human world. I love you Nii-sama, and I like when you protect me from idiot boys, but you can't always protect me from a fight. I am who I am because of it. See you later!"


	11. Death and Strawberry, Again

**Conversations**

I don't own Bleach

**Ch11: Death and Strawberry, again**

"So you lost to an arrancar"

"Shut up!"

"It's because of your inner hollow."

"He's a pain in the ass."

"So defeat him and move on."

"I tried that."

"Did he kick your ass too? Man, you suck."

"Shut up!"

"Follow me."

"Where are we going?"

"Don't ask questions!"

"What is that?"

"What does it look like? It's a hollow, baka"

"I can see that, why did you bring me here?"

"To kill it duh. Did that arrancar knock all the sense out of your head?"

"I can handle this level of hollow."

"Really than do it!"

"Fine!"

"There that wasn't so hard was it? Come on"

"Where are we going?"

"Where do you think?"

* * *

"All better now?"

"You made me kill every hollow from here to Tokyo and back!"

"And it was fun wasn't it."

"Yea, now that you mentioned it, it kind of was."

"Great, now that I restored your confidence, you should have no problem at all with defeating the next arrancar that show up."

"My confidence level is not the problem."

"Okay fine. Just so you know, the evil villain Aizen plans on creating a king's key. In order to do that he needs to harvest 100,000 souls on a richly filled reiastu land. The only place that exists like that is Karakuna town and what do you know 100,000 souls live here. So sit back and whine about not being able to do something while Aizen kills you and everyone you know, plus your whole entire town."

"What? That's what he's plotting? How do you know?"

"It was the plot of a manga I used to be a part of."

"What?"

"Taichou figured it out, you idiot. He and suotaichou are working on a counter plan. But you, bakamono, are the only one who hasn't seen that ridiculous hypnosis sword therefore you're the only one who can defeat him."

"Oh, well you could've just said that."

"What would you do without me?"

"I'd probably be able to put clothes in my closet again."


	12. Death & Princess

**Conversations**

_This was my favorite chapter to write so far. I know it's super short but it reminded me of a video I saw on youtube years ago by Sparago1 who is the best IchiRuki vid maker, like ever. Oh, btw, I still don't own Bleach, if I did it would be all about Rukia and Ichigo and how they end up having an army of cute little orange haired babies with purple eyes and a crap load of reiatsu._

**Ch12: Death and Princess**

"What's your relationship with Ichigo?"

"Eh?"

"Are you two together?"

"No of course not!"

"But you slept together."

"We did not sleep together!"

"Is it true you sleep in his room?"

"I don't see how any of this is your business."

"It's my business because…because…he's human and he should stay here with me instead of running away with you to have a bunch of orange haired purple eyed babies in soul society!"

"Have you been talking to my aniki?"

"Maybe."

"You're both hopeless. I'm not interested in Ichigo?"

"Why not? He's smart, strong, has a really nice smile, plus a nice body too, he cares about his family, he's good to his friends, he doesn't ever nag or complain, and…and…he risked his life to save you, the least you can do is have the hots for him!"

"Okay, are you mad at me for liking him, or are you mad at me for not liking him?"

"Ah-ha, so you admit that you like him! Well I won't let you have him."

"I. DO. NOT. WANT. HIM."

"EVERY. BODY. WANTS. HIM."

"This is hopeless."

"Yes, it's hopeless for you to think you can take him away from me


	13. Batman & Kitty &

**Conversations**

**Ch13: Batman and the Kitty and …**

"You are so weak. You couldn't even kill one measly human."

"I could have killed him if I wished. I chose not to kill him because he wasn't worth my time."

"Exactly, you're weak."

"Then explain why I'm ranked higher than you."

"That's because you're a kiss ass."

"Whatever I'm done here."

"Go ahead and walk away weakling."

"…"

"Oh, why'd you stop? Are you going to fight me?"

"You aren't worth my time"

"Then continue going"

"I don't take orders from you"

"Then stand here then, I'm leaving. Oi! Let go…of my…throat."

"Make me!"

"Take…this!"

"How dare you charge a cero that close to my face? I guess there's no helping it Enclose Murcielago."

"Ho! Ho! This is going to be fun. Grind Pantera!"

"What are you two doing?"

"Uh-oh"

"Meep!"

"Espadas are not allowed to fight in the building. If you feel the need to fight, take it outside."

"HAI, Aizen-sama!"

"Kiss ass."

"You're one to talk, you bowed so low your overly large nose nearly touched the ground."

"My nose is not overly large, it is perfectly normal!"

"I've seen Menos, with smaller noses than yours."

"Okay, that's it, now I really have to kick your ass!"

"You can try, No. 6 least you forget I'm still No.4"


	14. Strawberry, Death, Kitty, and some guy

**Conversations**

_**Sadly, I don't own Bleach**_

**Chapter 14:** **Strawberry, Death, Kitty, and that one guy**

"I want a fight!"

"I'll be your opponent! BANKAI"

"Stop using your bankai for everything. It makes you look weak"

"What?! Take that back, my bankai makes me look strong"

"Um…are you two going to fight with each other or fight with me?"

"Shut up we'll fight you in a moment"

"I'll be the one doing the fighting, move. Dance, Sode no Shirayuki"

"Wow, that's so pretty"

"I know right"

"Psst, as if that girly sword can cut me"

"First dance, Tsukishiro"

"Damn, that was quick"

"I told you, you didn't need to use your bankai. But no, just had to do it anyway. I think you like the way your robes get all tight in bankai and it's easy to tell you have a six pack."

"Oh, so you've been checking me out."

"You wish"

"Oi! Enough with the chitchat, which one of you killed….Damn I forgot his name. Don't matter. Which one of you punks killed him."

"Me"

"No seriously, who killed him."

"She did"

"Damn he must have been weaker than I thought."

"Hey I happen to be very strong."

"That was easy one down one to go!"

"What did you do to her?! I'll kill you!"

"Try it!"

"Getsuga Tenshou!"

"Ouch, that hurt"

"Are you going to go crying back to Aizen?"

"No I'm going to do this. CERO!"

* * *

"That was too easy. Where are all the strong fighters?"

* * *

_Special thanks to aka-nee and the guests for reviewing._


	15. Strawberry, Monkey, and Blondie :(

**Conversations**

**_I don't own Bleach_**

**Chapter 15: Strawberry, Monkey, and Blondie**

"So you want us to teach you how to control your inner hollow?"

"You're going to teach me whether you like it or not!"

"Oh, those are big words baldy."

"I'm not bald."

"Seriously don't you see all that orange hair?"

"I wasn't talking about his head."

"Then what were you talking about?"

"You don't want to know. Moving on…if you want to learn how to control your powers you have to run on this treadmill."

"Seriously, that's all? I could've done that on my own. I do have a membership card to 24 Hour Fitness."

"Shut up, it's a special treadmill!"

* * *

10 HRs Later

"This sucks I'm going home."

"Not so fast. You have to stay on until you pass out"

"Are you kidding me? I'm so awesome I can do this nonstop for 10 years and never get tired. But I'm hungry. Feed me!"

"Feed yourself baldy."

"I'm not bald. Ouch, what was that for?"

"If I say you're bald, then you're bald, Baldy."

"That's it!"

"Put that down!"

"I can't believe you threw a treadmill at me?"

"Do you want me to do it again?"

"Look, food here!"

* * *

_I couldn't think of a better name for blondie :(_


	16. A pimp, a princess, and a cat

**Conversations**

**Chapter 16: A pimp, a Princess, and a cat**

"You wanted to see me?"

"Yes, I called you all the way out here to tell you that you suck and you should go jump off the Tokyo Tower."

"That's not very nice"

"Fine, you don't have to jump off Tokyo Tower but you can't fight in the up and coming battle."

"Why not?"

"You aren't a fighter"

"I can heal"

"Yeah, so can a lot of other people. Go home lock your doors don't come out. We'll give you a phone call when it's all over."

"That's all you're going to do for me is give me a phone call?"

"You're right I can't afford to waste minutes. I'll send you a text"

"I don't own a cell phone"

"It's 2013, what century are you living in? They even have cell phones and soul society a place that is so stuck in the Edo period that there's no electricity."

"I'm going home and I'm going to make the most delicious meal ever, and I'm not sharing with you."

"Thank god, I want to actually live to see the war since I'm sure I'm going to be a key player and all."

* * *

"That wasn't very nice, the poor girl ran out of here practically in tears"

"How long have you been here? And why are you naked?"

"I've been here all week, just in my other form. And don't act like you've never seen me naked before."

"There are children around"

"Oh yea, I forgot. I'm going to borrow some of your clothes. It still wasn't nice for you to send her away like that."

"If I didn't send her home she'd end up getting kidnapped by the bad guy and his band of Kamen Rider wannabes."


	17. Death & Princess, again

**Conversations**

_**Yeah, you get the point, I don't own Bleach**_

**Chapter 17: Death and Princess again**

**"**I wanna fight!"

"Are you sure? You seem more like a stand-on-the-sidelines-and-scream-for-the-main-cha racter-as-he-helplessly-gets-his-ass-kicked kind of girl."

"That's not me at all. You'll see. I'm super useful."

"Okay, let's go train"

"Really? Thank you. You're the best, or well you would be if you weren't constantly trying to steal my future husband."

"Not this again."

"Frown all you want but when both know when the battle is over, he's going to settle down and spend the rest of his life with me."

"I'll be very happy when that day comes in fact I'll even send you a wedding gift."

"Really? I always wanted a pet lion. Do you think you could get me one?"

"Sure, absolutely. I know this lion named Kon, he'll be perfect for you."


	18. Evil Villains Unite

**Conversations**

_**If I owned Bleach every time we see Ulquiorra the Batman theme would play ;)**_

**Chapter 18: Evil villains unite**

"Bring me the girl"

"Yes! Now you're talking my language. What kind of girls are we talking about? Big boobies? Fat asses? Green hair?"

"Stop pinning after Neliel, she's gone."

"I'm not pinning after anyone, shut up you cotton-candy haired freak."

"I'll have you know my hair is bubble gum pink, not cotton-candy pink."

"I can't believe I got out of bed for this shit"

"Me either, my harem is waiting for me, let's go."

"Is it really a harem if it's all girls and no guys?"

"Who cares? I'm waiting for the day when she changes into her Resurrección form. It's so hott."

"Everything is hott to you spoon man."

"Oooh wooo. Looks like your soldiers are fighting amongst themselves."

"Who cares, my most loyal servant will get the girl, won't you?"

"Yes!"

"cough—Kiss ass-cough"

"You'll go with him."

"Awesome, I didn't kill enough people last time."

"You didn't kill anyone."

"Do you want me to kill you?"

"Do you still want that arm?"

"What? Ow, you bastard."

"You didn't answer with a yes, so I assumed you didn't want it. Was I wrong?"

"One of these days I'm going to squash you like a bug."

"Dream on"

"You're all dismissed. The Real World comes on in ten minutes and I need to watch it in order to learn how to take over humanity."


End file.
